...

a sudden urge to read her blog.
i dont know why.
and i read.
her post shocked me.
really.
i thought of e past.
dont know why.

i can understand how she feels now.
throughly understand.
when everyone is busy playing ard,
she must be crying sadly.
yet she is stronger than me,
i can say.
because,
it took me 4 yrs to face e reality,
tt shu shu is no longer with us.
i cried,
asking mummy can shushu come back.
i dreamt of him.
i even lied to myself,
he is still alive.

4 yrs of new yr passed by so fast.
im not used to e hse without him.
im not used to e person putting firework,
is not him.
i dont want just to see his pic ard e hse.
i wanto see his person,
playing with us.
but somehow,
i can only see him in my dream.

i dont know why,
her blog,
hit me very hard.

am i very unreasonable in e past?
i must be.
i think i must be dumb and stupid and guai lan in sch.
oh my oh my.
why am i lidat.

compared to her,
i think e pain she has,
must be more than me.
cus tt person is closer to her,
compared to shushu and me.

life is so unpredictable.

im selfish.
very selfish.
if i were to choose,
i will choose to die before everyone does,
cus,
i dont want to lose anyone.
im afraid of e pain i will go thru.
im not strong.
i cant face e reality.
i know i cant.
我是个胆小鬼.
不敢面对现实的胆小鬼.

this teaches me to treasure everyone ard me.

to everyone:
pls kindly take care of yourself.
=(


i felt like crying.
i dont know why.
我好想哭.






好后悔.
对不起.
=((




** her identity will not be revealed to protect her,
as this is a personal thing.
pls dont ask me who she is.